「じいちゃんのへぇくさいなぁ」というと，じいちゃんは，うれしそう。ニコニコしている。「どうして，ニコニコしているん？ くさいのに。」「健康の道しるべじゃ。くさぁないと入院じゃ。」「ふうん。何で？」「それはなあ。胆汁のにおいなんじゃ。胆汁が十二指腸に流れ出て，腸を巡ってへぇの匂いになるんじゃ。」「ヘぇ？」「胆汁が胆道で詰まったら，へぇの匂いはなくなるし，うんちの色も黄色い色がなくなって，新聞紙色に！ それにつれて，匂いもだんだんなくなってしまうんじゃ。その時は，ほんまにびっくりしてしもた。」「うんちの匂いや色までなくなるん？ ほれほんま？」「ほうじゃ。ほんで，しょんべんに色がついてきて，濃いぃ紅茶色になって，くさぁなってくる。」「よけびっくりしただろう。」「そらびっくり仰天じゃ。ほうなったら，胆嚢がパンパンに張れてきて，テニスボールの大きさぐらい硬とぅなって，触ったら痛ぁてたまらんようになった。ほしたら，胆汁が血液に混じって体中を回って黄色ぅになってしもた。」
　今から８年前。僕たち親子4人が奈良市にいた時のことだ。「閉塞性黄疸で，じいちゃんが入院した。」ほんで見舞いに帰ったことがあったんだ。右脇腹に管をさし，大きなビニル袋をぶらさげていた。（胆汁ドレーンのこと）茶色い液がいっぱいたまっていた。あれが胆汁だったんだ。３回ほど針が胆道から抜けて，その度ごとに胆道へ差し込むために手術室へ入って，入れてもろたそうだ。抜けて痛いし刺すのも痛い。ばあちゃんは，心配で心配でたまらなかったらしい。手術室から出てくるのを，病院の暗い狭い廊下で，一人で待っているのだから……。１ヶ月半ほどつけていたそうだ。黄疸が治るまで。長かったんだろうなあ！ カテーテル（胆道の中で風船をふくらませるようにして）で胆道を広げ，ふさがらないように細い管を入れて，放射線で焼付けをする。それで胆汁がうまく流れるようになったそうだ。焼付けには約１ヶ月かかり，初めの１週間ぐらいは，体が弱ったのか吐き気がし，食欲も少しなくなったそうである。サプリメント（プロポリス・キチンキトサン・深海鮫エキス・鮫の軟骨など）のお陰ですぐ回復し，主治医たちを驚かせたとも聞く。こうならなければ，みずおちから臍の上まで切開し，詰まった胆道を切り取ってつなぐ大手術をせないかんかったようだ。手術をしないですんだため，傷跡もなく，ほんまに不幸中の幸いだったのだ。今でも，焼付けあとは形が残り，汗も出ないが……。完全に治るのに３ヶ月かかったそうだ。（ヘルニアの手術もしたので）それが原因か膵臓からのインシュリンの出が十分でなく，血糖値が上がり，４週間に１回鳴門病院で検査と診察を受けている。半年に１回はCT撮影をして胆汁の流れがうまくいっているか調べている。１年程前，CT撮影中，造影剤を注入したところ，血糖値が急激に下がって気が遠くなって，検査係員をあわてさせた上，１０日ほど入院治療，他の検査方法で胆汁の流れを調査したこともあるようだ。
　今は，調子がよいのか，「へえ」と「うんち」がくさい。「じいちゃんの『へえ』くさいなあ」でニコニコ。「うんち」の色も匂いも，「しょんべん」の色も普通の色だそうだ。くさい匂いと黄茶色を見てはニコニコ。「しょんべん」の色や匂いがなくてニコニコ。「ヘえ」と「うんち」と「しょんべん」と。その匂いと色に，一喜一憂。

I came back to my hometown to feel lots of space of freedom ‘coz I need change to think of my breathing wrong air.
I have worked at the place for the autistic and the heavy disabled, some of who are not able to eat food or take a bath or walk by themselves. So I needed help them everything…however at first I felt strong refusal attitude to be with them as I did not want to touch them ‘ coz you know they looked so dirty, excreting anyplace they want, and they do not care of their clothes, appearance, smells. So the first day I always tried going away from them, cleaning outside or talking with staff working there for a long time…to be honest my face has hypocrisy being with them, surely people knew what I was thinking crystal clearly, making unnatural smiling, being distance between them.
The second day my feeling was a little bit different ‘coz I could enter the building without any feeling badly.
And the third day I realized I adjusted this atmosphere and comforted to talk with them. It was likely to find something from them. It would be something I had never felt before being there. But at that time I did not know what it was. Fortunately there was a firework event at that place in the evening and able to be with them to watch beautiful arts in the air, having exploded power with colorful contrasted in the sky. And I worked out what I felt something after I could find people smiling innocently, being doing their best to enjoy at that moment, which I forgot totally how to enjoy my life when I was a kid…
What different between them and me was how much personas we have. Little by little as we grow up, we need have some communities of society with people like co-workers and friends and we have to follow a majority of opinions to be of a group member even if we do not want, especially Japan which is a narrowed mind country against a minority, always trying to get out them from a real world to keep a tied group relationship, to be honest, which I do not like to follow asses of people having giggling sweating faces contently. Anyway so most of people in Japan have their own personas to be a majority, which means we must put up with smelling group’s fart as a member and being superficial faces. By naturally we lose our warm hearts by adjusting society. It is hard to answer immediately what I am, when they asked me ‘coz we are always wearing personas.
By the way people who have some problems, I do not know whether this is a correct way to call those people or not, are always their own real faces. They do not have any concepts of personas. They are able to be alive at the world which we have already lost. That is, I guess, one of reasons why they could smile innocently and remind me of how to enjoy this life. They do not need compete with people. They could co exist each other, respecting their personality.
Basically human being has same competence the god gave us when we were born. But as we grow up, we step forward at each different circumstance, depending on where the god made us go places. Everybody has different faces, personalities, hobbies…but the hearts of deep feeling are same, everybody is same human being and has warm hearts in the deeply bodies, ‘coz we are same human being.
The fourth day and fifth day, I could really enjoy helping people as a volunteer ‘coz I could understand how people are wonderful and beautiful…definitely it was a good experience to do something which I have never done. Prejudice is the evil axis, which people do same mistakes if we are afraid of doing something new challenges. Doing something is much better than nothing. We have chance a many number of opportunities.
I love the earth. I love the sky. I love people…